Today began like another day
And ended in a different way.

Perhaps it was like any other day
Because I was at home
Watching the sky
Wondering about friends coming home
Coming again to where I've always been

I wonder if they've changed
Maybe they're different
More mature, better suited for the world
And it depresses me
Because I've fallen behind
I have not grown
I have not ran
And stepped further into the darkness,
Into the unknown where my friends await
Or are, perhaps, speeding away, away from me
While I wait on the other side

And long did I muse.
With time, my heart began to miss
The comforts my friends bring
And the warmth my friends share
And began to remember
How thankful I am to have known them
And to still be accepted into their light
Where I am quite free, free to be me.

I came to the house
The house from long ago
The house of Lay
Where memories were forged
And laughter once echoed the halls.
And I wondered again
If things could go back the same
And be merry once more.

The house of Lay towered over me
And yet it didn't threaten me
or betray me
But it awaited
As if it yearned for me to return
To return to the merry dreams
My friends and I shared

Still my heart was troubled
What ifs flashed through my mind
And my heart was not stilled
Will they recognize me?
I feared the worst.

But truly all my fears were dashed
When that door opened
To reveal my friends
Smiling again
In the house of Lay
I came home again
To the dwellings of friends
To the laughter of friends

How my heart yearned for thee
And how my heart burst with joy
to have seen you all
I am home again.
Home at last
With my friends
How long it shall last
Means nothing right now
For I missed my friends
Missed them more than I ever missed any friends

Great are such friends
And for this I give thanks
As I look out once more
To watch the day's end
And to remember my friends.
I cannot yet tell thee
How much I have missed thee
Even now, it is by your love
I still glow.

I drove three friends to Julian today.

And along the way and the way back, I saw all of them fall asleep one by one.
I had told them earlier to bring pillows to sleep in the early morning hours while I drove.
And it was a good advice indeed for the weary passengers

At one point,
I looked back
And my heart felt cleansed and renewed
To see them sleep and have their heart written on their face
That they are at peace where no devil can hurt their ways
That they are one step closer to having a glance of heaven's peace
This is what brightens my day
This is what gives me hope
And the encouragement to keep driving, to keep pressing
That I may be the vehicle to let them be at peace
To get away from what may have harmed them, tormented them

This is what I see
When I see you fall asleep
This is when I feel as I have accomplished something
Albeit indirectly, but at least, it's allowed you rest

And that is all that is needed
To repay me for any good I have done
And to add to the debt I owe
That to see you slumber in peace
And no longer be plagued
By the surface worries of this world

"these talks i overhear make me uncomfortable. cus i feel like my life is still in pieces while other people's lives are slowly coming together and forming something."
- thuan (amatory)


the view from here
is quite lonely
everyone's lives seem to work well.
everyone seems to get what they want.
but I look at myself.
I look at the mirror.
And it shatters
Ashamed for me

I've turned away.
I've ran away
The traffic light says stop
But I can't see
So blind enough
That the lanes disappear
And the cars seem to crowd around me
Trying to make me someone
But not really at all

I'm driving
But my mind's off
It's away moping
The sadness grows

I don't understand
But everyone is running
Where are you running to?
Should I run?
And I ponder
Only to find
The crowd moved on.

I'm in a world
That I find no peace
How is it so?

Turn it all off.
It's time to turn off.
I realize my home is no longer here.
Only pieces spread out through the world